Author Liesel K. Hill's Musings on Fantasia...
Monday, December 18, 2017
Ax Those Crutchwords! The Worst Offender: Was
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If you've ever read your writing and thought it sounded sub-par or unprofessional, but just didn't know how to fix it, chances are you're leaning on crutch words or using passive voice. I'll show you how to fix that.
The truth is that writers don't have enough of a science behind fixing this sort of thing. Sure, most of the really great writers out there stay away from crutch words and passive voice, but most of that is instinctual for them, after a lot of hours of writing and learning and honing.
Even most other authors you'll find may be able to tell you that something is lacking in your writing, but even they may not know exactly what it is or how to fix it. Or even if they can pinpoint it, it's hard for them (for any of us) to give actual, definable steps toward fixing our weak writing.
Saying, "Do it better," really doesn't help much. Especially newbie writers who really want to write better, but simply don't know how.
Here's where I'll start giving tips to help you out with this. Because there are many MANY offenders when it comes to crutch words, and they nearly always lead to passive voice. So if you cut out your crutch words, 99% of the passive voice in your writing automatically goes away. Isn't that amazing? And you get the added benefit of tighter, more grounded writing. The kind readers love to read and publishers love to publish.
We'll start with what I consider the worst offender of them all: WAS
Was is a word that is an integral part of the English language. You can't write a book without using the word was a few hundred times. It would be impossible.
There are many sentences in which the word is absolutely necessary, and that's fine. But this pesky little 3-letter word often makes its way into sentences where it doesn't belong, and serves absolutely no purpose, except perhaps to remove the reader a bit from the action, and that's never good.
Because was is such a huge problem in our writing, it can be used wrong in MANY ways. Below are some fixes for the most common over-uses I've found:
Fix #1: switch up your subject and object. Active voice happens when you use active verbs. By that, I mean specific verbs. Focus the sentence on the action, not on telling the audience what "was" going on. Switch the object and the subject, making the sentence more active:
Example 1: The breakfast
was
eaten by Erica.
Make Erica (the object) the subject. In other words, start
the sentence with her and change the verb to compensate.
The Fix: Erica ate her
breakfast. (Much stronger.)
Fix #2: Change the Object to an Active word or verb.
Example 1: She allowed them to believe Gabe was her
protector.
The Fix: She allowed
them to believe Gabe protected her.
This is a real sentence from Street Games, book 3. In this case, I want to get rid of the "was" without changing the structure of the sentence. So instead of "was her protector," I made
"protector" the verb, changing it to protected. *Always focus on action verbs and the active voice will follow
naturally.*
Example 2: There was a
judgmental edge in her voice.
The Fix: A judgmental
edge tinged her voice.
Example 3: It was mutilated
beyond recognition.
The Fix: The killer
mutilated it beyond recognition
Fix #3: Take Out the "Was" Clause Entirely
I find that often, if I start a sentence with "it
was/he was/she was/etc.," I can simply cut those words and use a comma:
Example 1: Heidi tried
to convince them she didn't need help. It was a hard sell, given the
bruises on her face.
The Fix: Heidi tried to
convince them she didn't need help. A hard sell, given the bruises on her face.
Forget what your English teacher taught you about sentence
fragments. This is fiction. We're using a character's voice, which means we can
use fragments stylistically if we want. Trust me, your readers won't notice or
care.
Example 2: The box that was left
on my stoop?
The Fix: The box left on
my stoop?
Fix #4: Replace "was" with an Action Word:
Example #1: He was only
a few feet away.
The Fix: He stood only a
few feet away.
The Fix: He lounged only
a few feet away.
Fix #5: Put the action word into the sentence and thereby
combine things.
Example #1: Her daughter
was only
a few feet away. She was coloring in her color book.
The Fix: Her daughter
sat only a few feet away, coloring in a book." Or…
Her daughter colored only a few feet away from where [POV
character] stood."
Fix #6: For a state of being, replace with an emotion or
sensory word.
Example #1: She was
relieved.
The Fix: "She felt
relieved."
Example #2: The lobby was
quiet tonight.
The Fix: The lobby sounded
quiet tonight.
Example #3: His face was sad.
The Fix: His face looked
sad.
Fix #7: Replace past-progressive tense with past tense.
Past progressive tense is usually "was" followed
by an -ing verb (was singing, was bringing, was sleeping). Simplify it to plain
old past tense.
Example #1: He was
hearing the sound in his head.
The Fix: He heard the
sound in his head.
Example #2: That word was written
on your hotel room door.
The Fix: Someone wrote
the word on your hotel room door.
Example #3: His voice
sounded steady, but was so soft she was sure emotion was hiding there.
The Fix: His voice
sounded steady, but so soft, emotion had to be hiding there.
Fix #8: Say the opposite:
Example #1: The luggage
weighed little because it was empty.
The Fix: The luggage
weighed little because nothing filled it.
Example #2: It's why I was so
hesitant to do that.
The Fix: It's why I
hesitated to do that.
Fix #9: Cut From Ends of Sentences:
Example #1: She had a
feeling Cora would share the opinion no matter what Kyra’s answer was.
The Fix: She had a
feeling Cora would share the opinion no matter what Kyra’s answer.
Fix #10: Find Better ways to say things:
Example #1: It was
funny.
The Fix: She found it
funny.
Example #2: He wouldn't
know where the key was.
The Fix: He wouldn't
know the key's location.
Example #3: He would be
angry if that was the case.
The Fix: He would be
angry if that turned out to be the case.
Fix #11: Change the whole sentence structure, focusing on
the subject:
Example #1: By his tone
of voice, he was freaking out about something.
Obviously lots of crutch words in this sentence, but the
point of the sentence is his voice. If you ever get stuck—you know
there are crutch words but can't figure out how to fix them—always
ask yourself what the subject is. What's the point? In this case, it's that his
VOICE
(the subject) tells her he's freaking out. I changed it to this:
See how much tighter and concise that is? It's much easier
for the reader to comprehend.
Fix #12: Substitute Synonyms as a last resort:
***Caution: If
you're anything like me, you'll be tempted to replace "was" with
"had." "Had" is another crutch word we'll be editing for in a later blog post. Resist the urge to replace one crutch word with another to
get your "was" word count down. So you can use it, but not often.***
If we're being honest, this is the easy route. It's being
lazy. Flex those writer muscles and find stronger ways to say things. Don't go
with the path of least resistance and time consumption. I understand the temptation,
but don't give in!
Last Resort Substitutions:
1. Had -
this only works if what you're saying happened in the past.
Example: He was taken to
the store.
The Fix: He had gone to
the store.
2. Would/would be
Example: Gabe was going to
be pissed.
The Fix: Gabe would be
pissed.
3. Didn't
Example: Kyra was not sure what he wanted.
The Fix: Kyra didn't
know what he wanted.
How about you? Is WAS a culprit in your writing?
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Excellent examples. Those help better than just saying take out 'was.'
ReplyDeleteThanks Alex! Glad you think so. ;D
DeleteHi Liesel - what a great post ... fun, interesting and informative - thanks for these notes - cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Hilary. Glad you liked them. And thanks for dropping by! ;D
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